Τετάρτη, 7 Μαρτίου 2012

A Malkavian's thought of trains: Nigel responds

To Ray Perth

Long time no see my paranoid friend/groupie(whichever you prefer). By the way, Jeena explained to me what "Paranoid" means and I've managed to get rid of it.She said "Nigel honey,you know, I saw a movie yesterday while you were asleep with a paranoid guy, you know,like you and the looney friend of yours from Chicago... and I re...rea...(I'm telling you she really tried to say "Realized". Isn't it awesome?)figured out that paranoia is something like a headache
but once you get one you have it all the time.That guy from the movie was caged in a planetarium. Oh Nigel, I didn't want you to go to that place so I bought you some pills!"(As you can imagine she thinks that a planetarium is the place where crazy people go... I didn't want to hurt her feelings by correcting her.You know along
with the pills she bought me a collector's edition of "Gone with the wind" and thus she still believes so...)

With the help of the pills and Yoga I got
free of this paranoia.Do not ask me to share the pills' brand name with
you, I still remember that you tricked me into this. Well,this is not the reason I'm writing to you though...Because Nigel is a wonderful,caring, handsome, bright (you don't want to see how creative
I can be with self flattery) person I decided to repay you the favor of
saving my sweetheart with the same coin.I just saved your reputation. I narrate you the facts bellow.

Me and Jeena were leaving from another celebration that one of my fun clubs was holding for my first album, when a bunch of hellhounds with fiery eyes and foul breath started barking at us.The were of the "Dopperman" variety as I realized later by gathering my wits but this is not the point here. I heard Jeena saying "Shhhhhh little doggies you are not allowed to bark here.You don't want to go to jail do you?Oh Nigel,do something,tell them not to bark because they will get hurt if the don't stop!" And then I noticed...A sign on which was written -No Barking-. What kind of an asshole could've written -No Barking- on a parking sign? Soon after touching the sign I sensed your mixed pattern
of a fucked-up energy.

It took me some time to figure out your purpose of doing
that but then "BINGO!". Of course you were trying to state the obvious...As a group of paranoids you and your clan are(thank Jeena's brilliant mind once more I'm not included to this group anymore...the others would hate me if they found out that I was the only one capable of belonging to two different clans.If you think about it, I would hate me too.I mean, thousands of years have passed without anyone having this ability.I truly am unique!) To continue with the life-saving part, I put my groupies to convert all the signs (by the way i didn't know that you were a Mexican) to -Not Barking- .I know I'm a life saver and for that I will grant you the rank of the vice captain of the "Nigelists IX" worship cult.Although I cannot understand why is it so important to you and your fellas to confirm such trivial matters as a sign which is not barking.It's not like it's broken or something... IT IS A SIGN for god's sake. Signs,cars and all the other stuff except DOGS do not bark.I hope I made it clear for you... You are my friend still. Jeena sends her greetings also.

Oh,something last that I just remembered, I was trying to overhear a conversation
between two fledgelings but I only managed to hear the phrase "Fished out information". Breaking her record once more, Jeena was the brain here and found it more probable that they said "Fish doubt in formation". Do you know anything about that?As far as I can remember you were into those weird stuff, carrying your fishing pole around.I hope you will reply to me with an answer... Think about it, cause we might have a breakthrough
here.We must get ahead of them.

The one and only

P.s.: I have enclosed within the envelope two drops of my perfume as a substitution to fight your obsession with me.Not that something like a substitution(I learned this word only days before and I'm very proud of it) for me exists anyway but it is for your own good.


Text rightfully attributed to Leechbane

Δευτέρα, 27 Φεβρουαρίου 2012

Lack of drawing skills for a character sketch: No longer a malady.


Καλησπερίζω για άλλη μια φορά τους αναγνώστες του Rpg και συ (μου αρέσει να χρησιμοποιώ τον όρο αναγνώστες, με κάνει να νιώθω πως υπάρχει ακόμα κόσμος που διαβάζει αυτά που γράφω) και τους εύχομαι καλή χρονιά, μιας και η τελευταία μου ανάρτηση ήταν το Νοέμβριο του 2011. Είθε λοιπόν ο νέος χρόνος να είναι γεμάτος ευτυχία, χαρά και αναρτήσεις άξιες ανάγνωσης. Moving on.

Στην περίπτωση που με την παραπάνω εισαγωγή έδωσα την εντύπωση ότι θα γράψω ή θα παρουσιάσω κάτι δικό μου, θα ήθελα να τη διαψεύσω άμεσα, τουλάχιστον κατά ένα μεγάλο ποσοστό. Παρ΄όλα αυτά δε θέλω κάτι τέτοιο να υπονομεύσει το περιεχόμενο της ανάρτησης, καθώς το θεωρώ μια χρυσή προσθήκη για όσους θα ήθελαν να έχουν ένα πορτραίτο για το χαρακτήρα τους, αλλά δεν έχουν στη διάθεσή τους είτε σκιτσογραφικές ικανότητες είτε κάποιο φίλο/γκόμενα-ο με σκιτσογραφικές ικανότητες για να αγγαρέψουν.

Αναφέρομαι λοιπόν σε ένα προγραμματάκι που έτυχε να ανακαλύψω πρόσφατα μέσω ενός φίλου και συμπαίχτη, τo Hero Machine. Με το εν λόγω προγραμματάκι, με την ποικιλία υλικού που διαθέτει και με κάποιο σωστό χειρισμό, μπορεί πολύ εύκολα κάποιος να φτιάξει ένα ικανοποιητικότατο σκίτσο για τον χαρακτήρα του. To setting ή η βάση του παιχνιδιού δύσκολα θα αποτελέσουν πρόβλημα, καθώς το Hero Machine έχει στη διαθεσή του από μεσαιωνικές πανοπλίες και σπαθιά μέχρι AK-47 και kevlar vests. Περεταίρω από τη βασική σύσταση του χαρακτήρα, διαθέτει και επιλογές χρωματισμού και transparency, αλλά εγώ προσωπικά επέλεξα να μην τις χρησιμοποιήσω.

Για να αποκτήσει λοιπόν το άρθρο ένα ολοκληρωμένο κλίμα telemarketing αν δεν το έχει ήδη κάνει, παραθέτω τα παρακάτω παραδείγματα (click to enlarge, dipshit) :

Berthold Wolfwood, (My) red wizard of High Sorcery

Tobin Loneranger, kender Finder of Hylo (bonus raccoon material included)

Uldavan of the Wild Host, Druid Of Qualinost

Valas Uth Lanthas, Knight of the Crown

John "Speaks-with-his-wrath" Locke, Fenrir Ahroun

Τούτο λοιπόν είναι το Hero Machine. Αν το βρείτε εξίσου χρήσιμο με μένα, προτείνω να στείλουμε μια μαζική αίτηση στη White Wolf κατά την οποία θα απαιτούμε να το υιοθετήσει σα σύστημα εικονογράφησης και να απολύσει οριστικά τους παλιούς της σκιτσογράφους,πράγμα που θα αφήσει πολλά παιδιά νηπιαγωγείου χωρίς μόνιμο εισόδημα χάριμπο.


Πέμπτη, 17 Νοεμβρίου 2011

A Malkavian's thought of trains: No Barking

Greetings, minions. Salutations and all. Nice clothes, Cheryl. Love 'em. You've all been summoned here today for a very intricate occassion. Today is a special day. The common man would say that today is Thursday, February 2, 1991. However, "The common man's a fool" as H.L Mencken said a few decades ago, and who am I, or who are you, to dispute the words of someone who is apparently "Sage of Baltimore"? Taking it from there, Mr. T from the A-Team said "I pity the fool", and who are you, or who am I, to dispute the words of a huge, vicious monstrosity with a mohawk? I am quite convinced that somewhere in the sands of time, there was a guy with a long nose and a longer pillum who yelled something about pity to his soldiers, but for the unlife of me I cannot remember, so let's leave it at that. Fools, all of them. Oblivious to the unfathomably mind-wrecking plans that are being drawn here. Well, that are about to be drawn, for they have not yet been drawn.

Today's the day when we do a little something to spread contagious confusion throughout Chicago. "But WHY?!" some of you may ask, and those some of you are ultimately kindly asked to evacuate the room within the next few seconds. Not you Cheryl, please don't leave. You are eye candy. The second question that would naturally arise, is "But HOW?!". That question is admirable, and its answer is five times as admirable. As you all are perfectly aware, Chicago, and any city for that matter, has ridiculous amounts of cars, bikes and other 4-wheeled means of transport. These said means of transport, however, do not transport people from destination to destination all the time. They sometimes become means of worthlessly occupying space for prolonged periods, abbreviated as "parking". Naturally, such an act of defiantly declaring that a certain location shall be owned by your vehicle until its departure has risen turmoil which has taken the form of street signs proudly bearing the caption "NO PARKING". That, dearest minions, is where you come in with your spray cans and your pencils and your chalk and whatnot. By simply adding half an oval, the caption magically transforms to "NO BARKING". What is the world coming to when citizens stop to ponder whether street signs demand orders from man, dog, or Gangrel? A man barks not, a dog and a Gangrel bark yet read not, so why make such a ridiculous demand that cannot be met by anyone? Mind-boggling. Meanwhile, vehicles will be free to stop at will wherever they please, as there will be nothing to restrain them. Personal space will be invaded casually, while the minds of people will burn over the transformation of all the signs into a paradox. There will be chaos. Mischief. Mayhem.

You are all expected to grab your favourite tool for painting and be part of this masterplan, as I myself will be. Cover your faces well, and, being annoying flies, be careful not to be caught by spiders. If the spiders do catch you in their whimsical web, mislead them by saying you are of anarchistic nature. Yes... Point them to the Anarchs. They deserve it. They had it coming. At any occassion, do not let this get backtracked to me. I've already dived headlong into the lake of infamy once, and it was undoubtedly the most unpleasant swim I've ever had. I would not ask for another one. Now go forth, minions. Go forth and erupt sweet chaos! Except for you Cheryl. Stick around a while, those clothes of yours have risen inside me the need to examine their contents.

Omnievul wrote that shit.

Τρίτη, 4 Οκτωβρίου 2011

A Malkavian's thought of trains

Oh, is it my move? Yes, it is my move. I was caught up in thoughts. I will indeed make my move, but first things first. Goddamn, what a useless phrase. Of course first things come first, who the hell thinks otherwise? Anyway. It's time I told you a bit about my id, my ego and my superego.

I guess you can call me Ray. Ray Perth. That's what people who claim to know me call me. I am not fond of titles though, no, I am not. Titles are misleading. Titles are yet another mask upon oh so many masks everyone and everything wears. They're the lawyers throwing dust in the eyes of the judges who want to see the truth, the real truth, beyond all compromisations. Now, now, bear with me, I will ellaborate. You call a tree a 'plant'. A title. Good, acceptable. I call a tree a hairy, tall monster who miraculously springs from the earth and gradually devours the sun and turns him into oxygen. Your precious title of a 'plant' does not cover that, does it now?

Anyhow. Hey, do not allow me to go on a rant again, okay? I have a move to make. I would not want to make you wait more. Let's keep it brief. As I was saying, the name is Ray Perth. A year has passed since I stared into the Abyss with all three of my eyes, the third one mostly. I never thought one may be Enlightened by being engulfed in malignant Darkness, but I was proven wrong in a most celebrant way. A way which included a lovely mistress and a pair of fangs, escalating to one hundred faces, one thousand voices and ten thousand broken fragments of colourful mirrors, reflecting the whole world in them, escalating to complete and utter chaos. And to think I was so cock-sure about my petty little view of the world, hehe. Oh well, it does not matter anymore because... uhm... Hey, would you mind stopping that noise you make? It interferes with my train of thought. Now where was I? Something about a view? A train? The view from a train's window? Oh fuck this, let's move on.

For now, I am just a pawn, one small pawn within the massive entity that is the Camarilla, or so I am treated. Am I really just a small pawn though? No, I am not. I am a special pawn. You will soon come to find what pawn I am.

You see, as long as I can remember - mind you, I remember a lot, I even remember things I have never known sometimes - I've had this, this natural curiosity to study people. But I mean really study them. Man, be he kine or kindred, is a well of secrets. You treat him right and you get one free dip of the bucket into the well. Multiply that by the appropriate number of times and you get the whole fucking well. The funny part, however, is that he does not even know that someone's been quenching his thirst off his own water, so when the time comes that he finds out, you should look closely for the reaction on his face - priceless! Hahaha! Good times. So now the water is rightfully yours to use. Well done! This is not where it ends though. No, it is not. There's more. I know, I know I have to make my move. Relax, it's only one move I have to make. I've almost concluded my story. Listen up. Even if you're not the biggest nor the strongest of them all, you can gain the upper hand, no, you can gain the uppest hand, if you just observe. Observe your surroundings. Observe the people you associate with. Observe and steal their water. What can they do to you when you already know what they're planning? Can they harm you when you know exactly what weapon they're going to use? Can they hide from you their feelings when you can see right through their eyes? No. They cannot. If they tell you they can, they are lying, in which case watch for their pants. They're most likely on fire. Haha! Wow, that was a bad joke man. I am sorry.

So? Have you found out yourself? Or do I need to clarify? The kind of pawn that I am is this one. The one I am holding in my hand right now. The one I am going to use in my next move. I am this small, seemingly useless little pawn that carries orders reluctantly while making plots and serving purposes of its own. The chess table, the rest of the pieces, they've all been studied since the very first moment. I have them right where I want them to. I have insight on them all. I have been watching and suiting everything to my cause so that I may reach the end of the table and claim what is rightfully mine. Power through knowledge. And now is the time to strike.

Which reminds me of my last move. Checkmate.

Written by Omnievul