Greetings, minions. Salutations and all. Nice clothes, Cheryl. Love 'em. You've all been summoned here today for a very intricate occassion. Today is a special day. The common man would say that today is Thursday, February 2, 1991. However, "The common man's a fool" as H.L Mencken said a few decades ago, and who am I, or who are you, to dispute the words of someone who is apparently "Sage of Baltimore"? Taking it from there, Mr. T from the A-Team said "I pity the fool", and who are you, or who am I, to dispute the words of a huge, vicious monstrosity with a mohawk? I am quite convinced that somewhere in the sands of time, there was a guy with a long nose and a longer pillum who yelled something about pity to his soldiers, but for the unlife of me I cannot remember, so let's leave it at that. Fools, all of them. Oblivious to the unfathomably mind-wrecking plans that are being drawn here. Well, that are about to be drawn, for they have not yet been drawn.
Today's the day when we do a little something to spread contagious confusion throughout Chicago. "But WHY?!" some of you may ask, and those some of you are ultimately kindly asked to evacuate the room within the next few seconds. Not you Cheryl, please don't leave. You are eye candy. The second question that would naturally arise, is "But HOW?!". That question is admirable, and its answer is five times as admirable. As you all are perfectly aware, Chicago, and any city for that matter, has ridiculous amounts of cars, bikes and other 4-wheeled means of transport. These said means of transport, however, do not transport people from destination to destination all the time. They sometimes become means of worthlessly occupying space for prolonged periods, abbreviated as "parking". Naturally, such an act of defiantly declaring that a certain location shall be owned by your vehicle until its departure has risen turmoil which has taken the form of street signs proudly bearing the caption "NO PARKING". That, dearest minions, is where you come in with your spray cans and your pencils and your chalk and whatnot. By simply adding half an oval, the caption magically transforms to "NO BARKING". What is the world coming to when citizens stop to ponder whether street signs demand orders from man, dog, or Gangrel? A man barks not, a dog and a Gangrel bark yet read not, so why make such a ridiculous demand that cannot be met by anyone? Mind-boggling. Meanwhile, vehicles will be free to stop at will wherever they please, as there will be nothing to restrain them. Personal space will be invaded casually, while the minds of people will burn over the transformation of all the signs into a paradox. There will be chaos. Mischief. Mayhem.
You are all expected to grab your favourite tool for painting and be part of this masterplan, as I myself will be. Cover your faces well, and, being annoying flies, be careful not to be caught by spiders. If the spiders do catch you in their whimsical web, mislead them by saying you are of anarchistic nature. Yes... Point them to the Anarchs. They deserve it. They had it coming. At any occassion, do not let this get backtracked to me. I've already dived headlong into the lake of infamy once, and it was undoubtedly the most unpleasant swim I've ever had. I would not ask for another one. Now go forth, minions. Go forth and erupt sweet chaos! Except for you Cheryl. Stick around a while, those clothes of yours have risen inside me the need to examine their contents.
Omnievul wrote that shit.